Prayers Needed

I got one of the worst phone calls this morning. The ones where someone asks you if you are sitting down before they continue the conversation. I actually yelled at my sister (sorry Faith) to just tell me because I didn't have time to sit down. Needless to say, after she told me I immediately found the time to find a chair before I found the ground. The kind of phone call where every scenario starts running through your mind that you can barely concentrate on the words coming out of their mouths. That kind of phone call.

I found out this morning that my brother, who is only 27, was found dead in his house this morning. We do not know all the details yet, but my BIL had gone over there to spend some time with him and found him laying on the ground. He tried to wake him up, but quickly realized that he had been gone for a while. They are speculating that he either had a heart attack or that the infection he had been trying to fight had gone into his blood stream and caused problems with his heart.

He had been to the doctor's office on Friday with numbness and pain down his left arm, as well as facial numbness and slurred speech. They dismissed him and told him to take some pain meds and call them in the morning. When he called to tell them it was worse, they told him to make an appointment for Monday. Well, he didn't make it till Monday.

There are so many questions and not enough answers today. Does my mom fly back to North Carolina or just deal with things from here? Will my SIL, who was seperated from my brother, be cooperative and respectful of my brother's wishes to be brought back to CA? Should I take the kids out of school and go down to San Diego to spend time with my mom even though there is nothing for me to do? Or should I keep their lives as normal as possible and just stay here until I am needed to do something? What do I do with all this sadness and anger?

I have not seen my brother for almost 3 years and was looking forward to him coming to CA in just TEN DAYS!!!! 10 days!! That was how close I was to seeing my brother, niece and nephew and now I will never see my brother again. Why did he have to go at such a young age? My dad passed away at a young age of 50 and now my only brother at an even younger age of 27. He has left behind a 5 and 3 year old. How do you tell a 5 & 3 year old that their daddy is gone? He was the best daddy and everything he did was for those kids. I am just waiting for someone to call me and tell me this is all a big joke, though I know it is not, I just wish I didn't have to face the fact that he is gone forever. I am sad. I am angry. I am numb.

I love him very much!!!!