Thursday, October 1, 2009

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today we woke up SUPER early, put a VERY sleepy baby and two nervous parents in the car, and drove in SILENCE to the hospital. By the time we made it to the hospital Aiden was all smiles. He had no idea how significant that day, Oct 1, 2008, was going to be in his life. He flirted with the nurses (somethings never change), admired the new toys he was offered to play with, and was mesmerized by the red blinking light on his toe. After a VERY long surgery we got our first glimpse at his new face. I have to tell you there were mixed emotions. It was not love at first sight. It took me a while (not just minutes or hours, but more like days, maybe even weeks) to fall in love with his face again.
Even as he experimented with his new smile through the nose stents, stiches, and bloody drool; I was still very uncertain about what had just happened to my baby.
I LOVED his wide smile!!! I MISSED his wide smile!!! Still today I miss it, but know that what we did was best.
It was a LONG recovery. There were MANY sleepless nights. There were MANY tears, both Aiden's and mommy's. There were (and still are) MANY post-op appointments. And, there were MANY prayers.

And now? It is one year later and it is hard to believe that that much time has transpired since those sleepless, crying, prayerful nights. He struggled with eating, mainly consuming fudge bars and not much more for well over a week. He struggled with gaining control over his pain, staying on pain killers much longer then we had anticipated. And mommy struggled with holding it together as I held him in the wee hours of the night just sobbing and crying out to God. I struggled with seeing him in so much pain and not being able to make it go away. I struggled with knowing that I had willingly handed him over and allowed them to do this to my son. I struggled with the loss of my little one, who seemed to grow up during that very long surgery.

And today? He has THE most infectious smile!!!

He lights up my world! Keeps me busy!! And makes me laugh!!! But most of all he has caused me to fall in love with him all over again!!

He has been through SO much in his short lifetime, but has taught me MORE then one can imagine during that short time. And who could resist a smile like that? I am definitely in love!!!


  1. Joy ~ You are so strong. I remember what you went through and what you are still going through and am always amazed.
    Dale ~ Thank you for being so supportive for my sister. She is very blessed to have you.

    I miss his cleft too..but have not only gotten used to his new look but think he is soooooo adorable!!! He also has such a neat pesonality as well. I can not wait till we are all feeling better to we can come over for a visit.

  2. Joy - I really get it, Jordan got his trach removed and trachea reconstructed two years ago this week. I remember the same feelings exactly - and part of me still misses that little guy with a trach who signed everything, and now I have this big boy (as it matured him) who talks to me. I wouldn't go back...but I remember too, the pain, the fact we did this to him, the recovery, the change....hug Aiden for me.

  3. Totally remember ALL those feelings! Did he have a cleft palate as well? Can I ask why you waited longer than I did to get the surgery done? Our doctors were insistent on doing it before 6 months, even! What did your doctors say?

  4. It's been a year already? How time flies! I hear ya with the way you described your feelings about the whole thing . . . You made it though, and just look at that ADORABLE little guy you have! So cute. I love the new pics! Take care, Mama!

  5. I love the new pics of Aiden!

    I don't think I'll ever forget Drew's three surgery dates. I had forgotten that Aiden had everything repaired at once. I wonder if most docs are moving toward that now? I can see both positives and negatives to it. Oh, and it def. took me a while to adjust to Drew's new look after his final lip repair. It just changes them so much!!

  6. Joy... He is just adorable. Such a cutie. I feel the same way about May 1st. But I agree, I fall in love with Jackson more and more every day! Blessings.

  7. Aiden is such a cutie! I remember Gavin's surgery day like it was yesterday as well. Seeing your baby bruised, swollen, and bloody is definitely a very difficult thing for a mother, but like you said, it was for the best. And I know that you were very helpful to me with your wonderful words of advice before the surgery. THANK YOU!

  8. Those pics are so cute. Happy 1 year "new smile" anniversary!!! -Fowlers

  9. Thank you for sharing. Our little Matthew has his lip repair scheduled for the 7th of December. Before Matthew was born I thought his nurse was crazy for even suggesting that I would love and miss his wide-smile. As you probably know, his wide-smile is what keeps me going some days.
    Thanks again;